Local man, Terry Frazer has spent the entirety of his weekend treating service sector workers in a similar fashion as he would do his travel agent.
Frazer, 41 was released from the shackles of being the regional logistics manager for a multi-national courier service on Friday afternoon, for two days of respite before restarting the stress-educing, life-shortening cycle all over again the following Monday.
Mr Frazer left his office shortly after 5:30pm, whereupon he hailed a taxi from the side of the street. Once in the cab, the driver asked Terry where he would like to go, to which he responded with a dithering, semi-sarcastic mutter; ” Awk I don’t know, I’ve only got a budget of £8.50, what do you have on offer? ”
Bewildered, the Taxi driver glared at Frazer for a moment before asking, in a broken mixture of an English and Pakistani accent; “You came into the taxi, but you don’t know where you want to go, are you high mate?”
Now aware of the mistake he had just made, Terry asked the taxi driver to drop him off at the town’s Shopping Centre, as he remembered he had made an arrangement to meet his Wife and Son (8) there to catch a screening of How To Train Your Dragon 2.
Ten minutes later, Terry had arrived, a quick glance at the metre and to his shock it had risen to the prime sum of £7.90.
After paying the driver he complained bitterly stating that he could get the same taxi journey online for £2 less, Terry then insulted both the Taxi company and the Driver’s family before strutting away like a fucking peacock in a march of self-imposed victory.
5:50pm, Terry met his Family at the cinema, they lined up and then verbally assaulted the Box Office worker with outrageous questions such as;
“Can I get a seat in the cinema near the emergency exit, as it has more leg room.”
” If we don’t sit together can we save money?”
” If I stream the movie online I don’t have to pay anything for it, can you match that price?”
“Can I bring over 22kg of popcorn into the cinema?”
” Can I use my phone, if it’s on flight mode to play Flappy Bird during the movie?”
“If the movie is not up to my standard can I request to change films halfway through?”
Dumbfounded at the lack of mental capacity of the general public, and shocked at their complete lack of understanding of how a cinema operates, he informed them that How To Train Your Dragon 2 had already started half an hour before hand and the next screening is tomorrow.
The Frazer’s could only go to the cinema on that date, so they agreed to see whatever movie was hot right now, their only requirement for the film is that it had to be hot….
Two hours later, the Frazer’s had emerged from their holiday from reality. To say the least, they were not pleased.
Their son, Willie, came out crying, physically shaken and with genuine anxiety after suffering through The Purge 2: Anarchy.
The Frazer’s panicked and went to the only point of contact, the Box Office.
The teen behind the Box Office politely explained that the cinema was only an essential layer of bureaucracy, that chooses the best films and then provides a service to the public by selling tickets to them, to see films.
Frustrated and defeated by common sense, the Frazer’s had no other choice but to accept that it was no one’s fault bar their own misjudgement.
The Frazer’s then warned their friends to never go to a cinema, as ‘They’re all fecking rip-off artists’ and ‘Sure you can wait a few months and it’ll be out it DVD anyway, what’s the fucking point?”
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Saturday
Our Hero, after fighting the unjust regime of Cinemas and Movie Houses the day before, Terry headed out to his local newsagent to buy the days papers.
Upon entering the corner shop, he immediately looked isolated and distant, almost unaware of his surroundings. Frazer then spend upwards of 15 minutes picking up newspapers and reading them whilst nodding his head and making the occasional remark on the headlines.
The owner of the shop, Mr Gurmeet Singh Kallar told Alcoholic Narcissist exclusively that when he asked Mr Frazer if he was alright, he said he was just taking a look, he then left with the Newsagent without barely acknowledging Mr Kallar’s existence and left without paying for the newspapers.
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Sunday
Mr Frazer was identified by CCTV and questioned by police officers of the theft of several Newspapers in a local Corner Shop, he pleads guilty and is fined £250 by the Public Prosecution Service and sentenced to a weeks community service.
Terry appealed the sentence, claiming that “£250 for a week is a bit much, I’m not even guaranteed the weather.”
“Do you have anything a bit cheaper?”
“I saw online that some guy only got a £100 fine for a similar offence, although it wasn’t peak season.”
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